My dear friends…
Last week in this space I said that in this present issue of the Weekly Bulletin we would look at something very important. Namely: If you believe that Who You Are is God, “particularized” (which Conversations with God invites us all to do), then you will necessarily conclude that it is impossible for you to be damaged or hurt in any way. And THAT has extraordinary implications for your life…
Imagine what life would be like if you thought that this way true. I mean, if you really believed that you cannot be hurt or damaged in any way. The implications would be enormous, indeed.
To begin with, you would never again find yourself experiencing a need for approval. At least, not the kind of need that emerges from a fear of some kind of consequence should you not be approved of by someone.
Indeed, fear of “consequence” in every and any situation would be a thing of the past. Would this promote aberrant or unacceptable behavior on the part of many people? There are those who say that the absence of the Fear of Consequences would be a blow to human morals, because people would feel perfectly free to act inappropriately. Yet Conversations with God tells us that this would not be the case.
Human beings, CwG says, are not motivated to behave well because of fear of what will happen if they don’t. Human beings are motivated to behave well because they hold a particular image of themselves — that is, because they see themselves as a certain kind of person. “Every act,” the text tells us, “is an act of self-definition.” Once people understand this, their behaviors are affected forever.
Thus, in a world with no laws, no punishments, no “down side” to “bad behavior,” such behavior would nevertheless not flourish.
Elimination of the Fear of Consequence is not limited to consequences in the form of “punishments.” It also applies to consequences in the form of things simply not turning out right, not showing up the way we expect them to. Once we no longer worry about whether a particular decision or course of action is going to produce a particular outcome, we are free to choose whatever course of action we wish — whatever course most pleases us or most excites us or most inspires us — without regard to whether it has a high probability of “succeeding” or not.
Indeed, our whole definition of “succeeding” would change. A thing might be said to have “succeeded” if it was simply done, instead of only if it produced a given result. In short, we would all be a lot more daring if we felt we could not be hurt, damaged, or destroyed by any outcome. Imagine where your own life would be right now if you had only been a bit more daring at a few junctures in your life.
The invitation of the New Spirituality is to act as if the idea of damage was just that: an idea, simply a thought, having nothing to do with ultimate reality. If you had acted fearlessly — utterly fearlessly — at certain junctures in your life, where could your life be today? That is a fair and important question.
The New Spirituality draws us deeper and deeper into a central, galvanizing and coalescing question: Who are we? I mean, who are we, really…?
And…your answer, please?
We opened the Foundation’s 5-Day East Coast retreat this week in Baltimore. Its purpose is to answer that question — and to render the answer practical in everyday life. Our next such program will be in December…and no, it is not too early for you to enroll. In the meantime, who are you? And what steps have you taken to demonstrate that in everyday life?
Love and Hugs,
Neale.
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The CwG Reader
Further explorations of the Conversations with God material from the author
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Neale Donald Walsch through the years has given hundreds of talks and written scores of articles revolving around the messages he received in his Conversations with God. Now, every seven days, we will present in this space a transcript or reprint of those presentations. We invite you to Copy and Save each one of them, creating a personal a collection of contemporary and uplifting spiritual thought which you may reference at any time. We hope you will find this a constant source of insight and inspiration.
This week’s offering: The last in a 3-part series of reflections on relationships offered in commentaries during the days preceding Valentine’s Day, 2007. This commentary will continue over the next three editions of the Weekly Bulletin because the subject deserves all the attention we can give it.
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Sexuality in Relationships
Beginning the dialogue
In all romantic relationships there is nothing more fun than taking off your clothes and touching and being touched in intimate and pleasurable ways. There may be things that are just as much fun, but I can scarcely think of anything that would be more fun.
Even in human relationships that are not necessarily deeply romantic, where two people would describe themselves simply as “friends” (or even as “acquaintances”), the sexual act can have enormous attraction and can bring mountains of in-the-moment pleasure.
These things are obvious to everyone. There’s nothing new here. This is not the Revelation of the Century. Yet with all that we know and all that we understand about human sexuality, with all that we have experienced and all that we have encountered in this area of human interaction, so many of us are still in a place of confusion with regard to the expression of our sexuality.
We are confused about whether to become sexual with another, about when to become sexual with another, and about why to become sexual with another. And some of us are confused about how to become sexual with another.
I find that among people who have committed themselves to a spiritual path especially, these questions can often be among the most pressing and among the most challenging.
There has been been, for centuries on this planet, an interesting thought about sexuality and spirituality which holds that the two do not mix. This thought suggests that sexuality is part of our “lower nature,” while spiritual pursuits are part of our “higher nature.” This has not been a casual, stray thought wafting its way through the higher regions of human experience over these past centuries and millennia. This has, in fact, been a deeply rooted thought, dictating and determining and directing the day day-to-day experience of the largest portion of humanity.
We are ashamed of our bodies, or consider them to be at the very least inappropriately erotic stimulations. And so we have made it a against the law to show our bodies to each other except in the most extraordinary or private and personal circumstances.
So ashamed are we of our bodies that many of us can’t even call our body parts by their accurate and actual biological names without some degree of embarrassment. And with our children and grandchildren we rarely do so, preferring to use a series of cutesy nicknames and substitute monikers such as “bottom” and “wee-wee.”
Small wonder that when we arrive at the age when we begin to experience our sexuality, so many of us have no idea of how to do that appropriately. We find it difficult and challenging to allow ourselves to experience our sexual nature naturally, joyously, shamelessly, adventurously, expansively, or lovingly, without hesitation, awkwardness, or embarrassment.
So upset are we about all of this, so ashamed and confused and embarrassed and convoluted are we around all of this, that in many communities and places we don’t even allow ourselves to teach in our schools what we were never allowed to learn when we were in school.
So upset are we about all of this, so ashamed and confused and embarrassed and convoluted are we around all of this, that we become angry and storm out of theaters when the act of sexual love is graphically depicted on our movie screens…while we have no trouble whatsoever with the accurate — the oh-so-accurate — depiction of physical violence.
The picturing of heads being lopped off and bodies being blown to pieces and blood oozing from open wounds is perfectly okay, but the picturing of simple frontal nudity, to say nothing of intercourse — is way, way, way out of bounds.
What an interesting set of values we humans have! What an interesting point of view! And what a confusing and complex set of standards we are asked to embrace and use as our guideline in the living of our lives.
Now along comes Conversations with God to help us in these and other matters; to help us as we bravely attempt to navigate the treacherous white-water rivers of the human lifestream.
This is not the only book to have some things to say on these subjects. It is not the first, nor will it be the last. But it does offer some marvelously refreshing perspectives on the topic of human sexuality and its connection to human spirituality — and on a great many other topics as well.
We shall explore these insights in some of the blogs just ahead. Stay tuned. And do offer your thoughts as well, in the Comments Section of this blog.
When to first have sex?
Too late, you’re already doing it!
In all new relationships with romantic potential (and you all know exactly which ones those are) a single question looms large: When do we become sexual?
In order to answer that question we must ask a larger one: What IS sexuality, anyway?
If we do not understand what sexuality is, we will not understand when to express ourselves in a sexual way. So here is the truth about sexuality that nobody ever told you: You are always expressing yourself in a sexual way. There is no way not to be expressing yourself in a sexual way. LIFE is a sexual experience. Life IS sex.
Conversations with God tells us that “sex” is the word we use to describe the experience of Synergistic Energy eXchange. The only thing is, we have it in our minds that this kind of energy exchange is limited to contact with certain body parts, when in fact it describes our contact with everything.
Everything we do is sexual. Sex is the Energy of Life, and the exchange of that Energy is Life Itself, expressing. Life creates more life through the process of life itself. It is by the exchange of Its Own Energy that Life does this. The process that we call “photosynthesis” is the synthesis of chemical compounds with the aid of radiant energy, and especially light. It is how the sun makes plants grow. It is also how we make each other grow.
Never thought of it that way, eh…? Well, it is. Human beings grow, they become larger in soul, in spirit, and in their hearts and minds, when they experience love. And Love is “the synthesis of chemical compounds with the aid of radiant energy, especially light.” When you send love to someone, you radiate energy. Literally. You radiate energy.
In fact, you radiate energy all the time, not just went you send someone love. The question is not whether you are radiating energy, but what kind of energy are you radiating? That is the only question in life that really matters. “What kind of energy am I radiating now—?” Whatever you radiate is reflected back to you. You receive what you send. What goes around, comes around.
Everyone else is continually radiating energy, too. Conversations with God calls this process Synergistic Energy eXchange. So, you are having S.E.X. all the time. The question is not whether you are having sex, but what kind of sex are you having?
I am not just playing with words here. I truly am not. This is the real answer to the question, “When should I start having sex in my new relationship?” It is important to understand that you are always “having sex” in your relationship — and the way in which you do that will provide the answer to the questions you may have regarding the physical activities of your body.
For now, start your new relationships in a new way. Indeed, start every relationship in a new way. You can do this each day…for each day, every relationship is a new relationship. You are capable of recreating yourself anew in every golden moment of Now, and you are creating every relationship you have all over from the beginning each time you lay eyes on that other person. Did you know that? It does not have to be what it was yesterday. Nor do you have to be who you were yesterday.
Whether your present relationship is new or old, you can begin having good sex right now, today. Declare and decide that your Synergistic Energy eXchange with your Special Other will be filled with light and love, understanding and acceptable, compassion and forgiveness, celebration and joyous recognition. Joyously recognize, each time you speak to that person, the wonder and the glory of Who They Really Are. See Godliness in them each time you see them at all. Smile at the gift that they are to life. When they say, “What are you smiling at, you little cutie…?”, just reply: “I’m smiling at the gift that you are. I’m feeling The Gift. And it’s making me smile.” Watch that change your day!
Final Thoughts About All This
Let’s take a final look at what Conversations with God has to say about love and relationships.
Most people, God said to me, enter into relationships for the wrong reason. The purpose of relationship is for us to create a context within which we might announce and declare, express and fulfill, our highest notion of who we really are. Very few people understand romantic relationships in this way.
I certainly didn’t in my life, and since I have been given this information I have found myself challenged at the very highest level. I have not always met the challenge. Indeed, I have failed time and time again to fulfill the highest notion I have had about myself in my relationships with others. Yet I believe that by my failures I have grown, and come to know more and more about what it means to be truly loving.
The first person that I have to be truly loving with, is myself. I know that sounds like nothing more than a shallow cliché, but I assure you that it is profoundly true — and immensely important. Loving oneself does not mean being selfish. It does mean not becoming a chameleon, not allowing yourself to change colors and change truths and change intentions and change the way it is that you are as an individual human being simply to keep another person in the room. It means loving yourself enough to be authentically YOU even if it looks like doing so will cause others to depart.
What will happen, in truth, is that certain people will depart, but certain other people will join you in your life in a new and powerful way. They will join you because they resonate with who you are. They are in harmony with the very essence of your being. They agree with your agenda. They hold the same intentions. They are compatible with you in many ways. They are not the same as you, but they are compatible. I cannot begin to tell you how important this is. A person cannot know — nor can you — whether or not they are compatible unless they know who you are in your Truthful Being.
This is a phrase that I have coined to describe a person who lives in, and comes from, his or her truth in every moment. I made a New Year’s resolution a few weeks ago. My resolution reads like this: “Tell your truth as soon as you know it.” For years I did not do this. In fact, for most of my life I have lied. I told small lies and big lies, trivial lies and important lies. And I did it because I felt that it served me to do it. Now I see that nothing has disserved me more. So old so soon, so smart so late.
And so I invite you to love yourself as you have never loved yourself before. Love yourself enough to speak your deepest truth to everyone whose life you touch. And especially to your Significant Other. Please speak to your Beloved from your place of transparency and total visibility in every moment. Hide nothing. Shield nothing. Stand naked before your Beloved not only physically, but mentally, emotionally, and spiritually as well. Let yourself be seen, let yourself be known exactly as you are. This will be the greatest gift you could ever give to anyone, and the most wonderful present you could give to the person with whom you share your life.
And so, this is not only an act of self-love, but an act of enormous love for another as well. For the willingness to be absolutely vulnerable and completely without defense in the space of another is the highest tribute that one heart can pay to a second human being. It says more than all the store-bought gifts could possibly ever convey. And it tells more about you than anything else you could possibly do in order to communicate who you are and how much you love.
The willingness to lose another rather than hold them in your life under false pretenses is the highest act of love. And the irony of all this is that having the courage to share what it is that you are certain will drive the other person away… is very often precisely what inspires them to stay. For they then know that they are not living with an “image” of you, but with a reality. A truth. The authentic article. The real thing.
Most people can live with reality. What they can’t live with is false hopes, misplaced dreams, and the knowledge that they cannot trust the words that come from the mouth of the person they love — not because that person is mean or cruel or deliberately trying to be hurtful, but simply because that person is so wounded that he or she cannot speak in words that can be trusted. They do not know their own truth. Because they have never identified it. Because they have never had the urge to speak it and to declare it and to announce it for fear of losing another. The result is that they have lost many others, over and over again in their life.
People with whom I counsel ask me how they can announce their truth to another when they do not even know it. They ask me to help them identify their truth, to come to understand who they really are and what they really want. I tell them that they must begin by simply verbalizing their truth. They must begin by talking. Out loud. To others. About everything.
How they feel. What they want right now. It may be quite true that many people do not know what they want in the long run, but it is not true that people do not know what they want right here and now. Everyone knows what he or she wants right here, right now. Everyone knows that. It is merely a question of whether we will have the courage to speak our truth about that. If we hold that truth in, and if we have done so for years, we literally lose touch with the essence of who we are and what we desire. We fall into a quiet resentment. We begin living lives of quiet desperation. We say less and less. We think more and more. We turn inward. And our significant relationship with our beloved other becomes unfulfilling — and we don’t even know why.
So today give the gift of truth. Just tell the truth. Tell the good truth and the bad truth. Say the words that you know will be welcomed, and the words that you know will not. Be brave. Be courageous. Be authentic. Be truthful. And in so being, be the essence of love itself.
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MONEY – LOVE – SEX – GOD
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These are the Four Cornerstones of the Human Experience, in reverse order of importance, and these topics are discussed in the Truth Seminar – the first spiritual program ever created by Neale Donald Walsch.
We’ve captured highlights of this presentation on a 3-disc set recorded at a retreat which Neale facilitated for a small group of people. Want to learn more about these subjects, and why “sex” is listed right next to “God” in importance in the human experience?
If you’ve been wanting to attend a retreat led by Neale and have just not been able to find the time or the financial resources, here is a wonderful and practical alternative. Close your eyes and listen to this recording and it will be almost like “being there.”
We are offering a special price for this abridged set: only $39.95 for a short time. Click here to “attend” this very special program by placing your order and start enjoying this wonderful visit with Neale Donald Walsch in The Truth Seminar.
Neal Donald Walsh
NOTE: The Weekly Bulletin is sent free of charge to anyone who asks for it. It is a publication of the ReCreation Foundation, a non-profit organization undertaking the work of sharing the message of Conversations with God with the world. That message is that the purpose of life is to recreate ourselves anew in the next grandest version of the greatest vision ever we held about Who We Are.
The CwG Weekly Bulletin is prepared by Neale Donald Walsch, m.Claire, Geek Squared, LEP Graduates and other friends.
